The inappropriate poem I wrote for my Secret Santa (co-worker Corina) and read aloud to everyone at the office holiday party……

DEAR SECRET SANTA:

I heard that you are Beyonce’s biggest fan,

And that you would pick her over any straight man.

A choice that I can admire and definitely agree with

Because good looking guys in D.C.?

That is one big giant myth.

I’m sure you can tell who this poem is coming from,

But I promise you it is not the tall, perpetually single one.

We have lots in common besides horrible dating,

But it is pretty bad, so I am commiserating.

We both have personalities that are always upbeat,

And share a special bond with our larger than average sized feet.

Regardless of your large feet, you are effortlessly beautiful.

You always look dashing. It’s indisputable.

After a long days work or just hanging with your dog,

I’m sure there are times when you just want to hit the grog.

I’m hoping with this gift it will make those special moments easy to open,

It wouldn’t have been pink, if the color I could have chosen.

They call it the rabbit but it’s not what you think,

It’s the best way to open your favorite beverage to drink.

My Rabbit Dildo/Wine Opener Secret Santa Gift

Not sure why I do this to myself but I tend to make things as uncomfortable as possible. Some would say I’m bringing uncomfortable back…..actually, no one said that – ever.