- I have exceptionally pointy elbows which requires extra elbow skin – also known as wenis or weenis acuminous. It’s gross.
- I tripped in the lunch room today and hit my head on the fridge. People noticed.
- I’ve gone to the emergency room for a stubbed toe. I was told that I didn’t need to come to the emergency room.
- I wrote a letter to Kraft Foods expressing my interest in a pesto flavored string cheese and suggested that for my thought leadership, I should be compensated with endless amounts of cheese. They said no.
- My hands are always really cold. FYI when you go to the doctor to get your hands checked out for coldness – they just diagnose you with cold hands. Nothing further.
- Recently, I was cyber-bullied. That shit hurts.
- I’ve realized that emojis cover the three most important emotions.
“…. I’m really drunk.”
“Don’t fuck with me right now.”
“Shall we order take out?”
- If and when I have a hankering for a Chipotle burrito – I will have a Chipotle burrito. That shit comes on fast and strong.
- I hate when people insist on getting up on the bus before their stop. Do you know how much easier this would be if we could just do this when the bus isn’t violently moving? And yes, I take the bus.
- When I was younger I only drew flamingos – tons and tons of flamingos. My parents as flamingos, me as a kid flamingo, teacher flamingos, etc. Kind of like the kid in Superbad but flamingos.
Can we talk more about that elephant who paints elephants? I mean COME ON.
I’ve been hit in the head with 6 acorns in one day. Does that happen to anyone else ever?
Can you make butter out of anything?
Where is Ja Rule? And do we care?
Did you know that there are a bunch of websites dedicated to squirrels partying?Just them…. partying….
Where were labradoodles 5 years ago?