19 Biggest Bugaboos

“Bugaboos” in the sense of things that bother me not the urban dictionary definition of “a gurl or guy who don’t leave you alone. Callin’ you up every two minutes on your celly and just dont trust you doin nothin – you say you out wit your boiz and she thinks your out creepin’ with some other trick……” Just things I find exceptionally annoying.

Salt shakers that contain rice

I understand that this is a thing with a purpose…but still…no.

Assholes.

People that are assholes and actual assholes.

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Those shoes that have individual toes

If we were meant to be marine animals…we would be marine animals….don’t force it by wearing webbed running shoes. Oh, they’re also butts-ugly.

When people say “PLURNT.”

…………………………..

Double bagging.

In the grocery sense – NOT putting two condoms on a penis before sexual activity. All of my groceries since the late 90’s have needed double bagging (I guess before then I was buying lighter items). Any chance we could just make thicker bags?

And yes, I do have those cloth bags but I think I’ve actually only remembered to bring them twice. Once, when I needed a cloth bag to carry all of my other cloth bags and decided that it would be a good time to go grocery shopping and one other time when I bought a pack of gum – deeming it completely pointless. 

Canned goods

The fresh food’s asshole cousin. They just sit and take up room in the pantry – I forever buy cans of tuna fish and black beans that I will never eat.  The only time I use canned goods is when there is a canned food drive. So, basically I’m just buying things and storing them until I need to give them away for the greater good. That reminds me – I’m also a saint.

Egg yolk stuck to plates

Why so effin’ difficult to remove? You were liquidy two seconds ago…

Dust bunnies

They gather like idle corner muffins and go unnoticed until you have this large assembly of dust, hair, and skin cells stuck to your foot….this is not a bunny, this is gross. 

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Taxi cab drivers that honk for no reason.

Shut your steering wheels’ trap. I will let you know if I need your services – not vice versa. 

Jabronis.

Both large and small.

cutitout

A jabroni with his dumb joke.

Wall clocks

Stop telling me the time from way up there – and you should totes just go digital.

Ice cube trays that are not quite frozen

No matter what – I will peel the thinnest layer of frozen water (ice) off the top of the non frozen water cubes to make my drink feel like it contains some kind of cold something – it does not. 

Shallow pant pockets

Everything I put in you just falls out. Worst. Pockets. Ever. 

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Nothing will fit…not even this wad.

Juniper Breeze scent

For some reason this scent just bugaboos the shit out of me. What is Juniper Breeze? I bet Bath & Body Works doesn’t even know. On that note – I wrote their customer service department and they responded with:

Juniper Breeze is a walk through a pine forest after a summer rain. Lots of pine, ozone, green notes with hints of berry and fruits. A very clean, fresh scent.

Just as I thought…..This. Explains. Nothing. 

When there are no seats on the bus

I will never get used to riding the bus without flailing all over everyone and either straddling or butt humping strangers. You call it assault, I call it just trying to stand.

When people say that they went on a “staycation”

You either stayed or went on a vacation – this is not a thing and sh-sh-shut cho mouth. 

staycation
NERDS!

Unpredictability

Just tell me what you’re going to do or I’m going to have a heart attack. 

The sound cotton balls make when you tear them apart

It’s like the screams of a thousand hill ants.

Tadpoles

Why cant they just be frogs?

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