“I’m going to be a couple minutes late……”

(What the hell do I do now? I’m a half an hour early….)

“Would you and your party like to sit in a booth?”

(WHAT. Obviously….)

“My wife and I are going apple picking.”

                                ………………..

“We visited a farm this weekend and there were goats.”

(Hi, excuse me…Did you just say goats? Shit. I love goats.)

    “I dunno, I just don’t really like sushi…”

(Do you even know what the fuck you’re talking about?)

“What are your thoughts on Obamacare?”

“Want to go to Kings Dominion this season?”

(UM. YEAH I do.)

“Your hair looks great today.”

(Oh, this? Thanks.)

“I baked oatmeal cookies and put them in the lunch room…”

(Why the hell not chocolate chip?)

“Excuse me, how tall are you?”

(And No, I don’t play basketball. Not ever. Not even then, nope.)