What Thanksgiving is Not Supposed to Be

A few things about Thanksgiving at my house:

1. Everything is a healthier version of itself (Major LAMESCICLES) Menu will include: Turkey breast only, rye bread stuffing, and a cornucopia of vegetables that have been bred to have a higher nutritional value than the average vegetable…

2. My Dad and I have decided to break out on a rouge mission to buy cornbread, croissants, or some kind of dinner roll–carbs of this nature are strictly foreboden.

3. Because my sister in law is bringing her dog, my guest cannot attend…. (exactly, I don’t understand it either)

4. Cornbread is replaced with Danish rye bread that is brown in color and grainy in texture. (boo.)

5. Booze is the the only indulgent.

6. The guy who gave us our cat will be coming over to see it….the cat is scared shitless of him so this is generally a time where we spend looking for said cat.

7. Post dinner weighs in’s will be held promptly at 6:05 Eastern Time.

8. CVS run for a chipwhiches, Flipz, and premade chipotle wrap will be held post weigh in.

9. Dear Costco apple pie, You’re the only dish with a caloric value over 200 and not part of the brussell sprout family…

10. Feel sorry for me.

(I kind of sound like a douche…I’m actually really thankful….)

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This is how Thanksgiving is going to be….

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This is what I want thanksgiving to be….hhmmmm bacon wrapped something….

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